


The Hardest of All

by Leya



Category: A-Team (2010)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Kink Meme, M/M, Non Consensual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-18
Updated: 2013-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-25 23:17:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/644004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leya/pseuds/Leya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the following prompt: i would like to make the request of a BA/Murdock h/c story. say murdock gets captured by some bad guys(or the military) and they rape him and the only one who can help him is BA.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hardest of All

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd.

_Just one more step..._

Murdock stumbled forward, barely able to hold himself upright. The house seemed so far away, the distance almost unbridgeable, and the longer he stared at it the more the small building started to blur before his eyes until his whole world canted sideways and suddenly Murdock was down on his knees, violently throwing up in the bushes alongside the path.

For a long moment he just knelt there, with one hand pressed against his mouth, hearing nothing but his own breath echoing unnaturally loud in his ears, while he anxiously waited for his stomach to settle down.

_Can't give up now..._

Finally he struggled back to his feet. The movement sent a new wave of nausea through his body but Murdock just gritted his teeth and continued onwards.

The moment he reached the small house they scammed just a week ago he almost cried in relief. He made it. Against all odds he really made it home.

One quick look to the deserted garage confirmed that he was alone and all Murdock could think of was that at least this one time fate was on his side. To meet one of the others right now... that was something he just couldn't do. Not now. Not after what happened to him in this abandoned warehouse.

_Maybe you should have stayed in town. What if you need a doctor?_

Not willing to listen to the voice of reason Murdock shook his head and determinedly squashed the timid voice of his conscience.

He definitely had enough humiliation for one night.

The door closed with a soft thud, immersing the corridor in semi-darkness but Murdock didn't care. Without bothering to turn on the light the pilot slowly approached the other side of the hall – just to stop at the foot of the staircase, unsure whether he would be able to get up there.

Hesitantly he counted the steps, inevitably realising that getting up there would most probably hurt like hell.

But what else could he do? Staying down here in the hall was definitely no option. Soon Boss and the others would come back and what then? Explain to them that he even was too stupid to look after himself?

Not. Going. To. Happen.

And... it couldn't possibly get any worse, right? There were only fifteen steps to overcome. Fifteen little steps and everything would be fine.

All he had to do was climbing those stairs and get into the bathroom, so he could himself get fixed up as quickly as possible before the others returned from whatever errand they were running.

_Stop whining. You are a ranger. You can do this._

Murdock took a deep breath in a useless attempt to steel himself against the pain and started to climb.

 

# # #

 

The moment Murdock entered the bathroom he nearly collapsed with exhaustion.

Climbing those stairs had been pure torture, each step just as strenuous as he expected it to be, painfully reminding him of the previous events – and his own failure.

_Don't go there, don't go there, don't..._

Without warning the nauseous feeling returned and the pilot fumbled for the washbasin, desperately looking for something to hold onto as his head started spinning. For long, terrible seconds it seemed as if he missed but then his hand clenched around the cool porcelain, preventing him from falling and Murdock just stood there, barely able to keep focused enough to stay upright.

Just two hours. Two hours that felt like a lifetime, mercilessly shattering the thin layers of self-confidence and strength he deceived himself with, leaving him battered and broken and _ruined..._

At least now he knew how utterly useless he really was.

Not able to meet his own eyes in the mirror Murdock quietly started to undress, carelessly discarding his clothes in a pile on the floor, before reconsidering and quickly throwing them out into his bedroom.

Satisfied to be rid of the bloodstained reminders, even if it just was temporarily, he firmly closed the door and stepped into the shower.

Soon the water became too hot to bear. Murdock pushed the shower head aside and hesitantly began to check out his injuries. A cold shiver ran down his spine when he saw the trail of blood that had been running down his thighs. Maybe he really should have stayed in town...

The pilot bit down on his lip, insecurely pulling the soft flesh between his teeth, immediately regretting it when a sharp pain exploded in his face. Tentatively he touched the deep cut splitting his lip and for the first time since this whole ordeal started he doubted his decision to come back.

There was no way in hell he would be able to conceal what happened from his team.

Groaning in despair Murdock let himself fall back against the wet tiles, covering his face with both hands.

He just couldn't do anything right, could he?

He really should have left town as quickly as possible, should just have kept running until he at least reached the next state. Instead he just had to come back here. One look and Boss would know what happened. Face would catch on quickly and even BA wasn't that dense.

And then what? They definitely didn't need a failure in their team. It was a miracle anyway that they had tolerated him for so long. Maybe he could grab a few clothes and vanish before Hannibal came back. As soon as the others learned about how stupid he had been they would throw him out anyway.

Subdued Murdock turned off the water, blankly staring into space. Whichever way he looked at it, whatever decision he made – his time with the A-Team was over.

 

# # #

 

He would miss them.

Murdock zipped up the bag containing his personal belongings, quickly checking the room to see if he had missed something. When he found nothing he knew that it was time to go – knowing all too well that now came the hardest part of all.

Straightening himself Murdock stepped out on the corridor, starting his slow descend toward the staircase.

_Hannibal... I will never forget you..._

A short brush of fingertips, the barest hint of a touch lingering on the doorframe.

_Face... best friend I ever had..._

Caressing the hard wood as if it was his friends face the pilot walked on, biding them a silent good-bye until he reached the last door in the row.

_BA..._

Everything slowed down, came to a halt. _I was never able to figure you out, my friend. What am I to you?_

Murdock took a step further toward the stairs before he abruptly whirled around and entered the room of their sergeant.

_The big man would throw a fit if he knew you entered his room without his permission._

The pilot laughed humourlessly. Of course he would. BA never liked him anywhere near the things that belonged to him.

_But why? Mexico was an accident and so long ago..._

The clock in the hallway started to chime and Murdock quickly came out of his reverie. The others would surely be back any minute now. If he wanted to have a chance to get away without them noticing he really had to hurry now.

Just when Murdock was about to leave his gaze fell on a glimpse of blue shining out from beneath the covers.

Curiously he reached out, holding up a blue shirt he knew all too well. Frowning in confusion he tried to figure out what to make of this one. Why did BA keep it? It was ruined anyway after the pilot burned a hole into the sleeve by setting Face's arm on fire.

Remembering how the look in the big man's eyes abruptly changed from confused to downright furious when he learned that Murdock not only stitched a lightning bolt into his arm but also set his favourite shirt on fire was something the pilot would never forget.

Chuckling softly he buried his nose in the soft fabric, immediately feeling warm and protected, like he always did when BA was around. Still smiling he held the shirt for a moment longer before he turned around.

The shirt fell from his lifeless hands and he stood, frozen in shock, staring wide-eyed into the mirror someone had placed right next to the door with the proverbial proof of his weakness staring right back at him.

_Just one punch to the face and you went down like the pussy you obviously are._

An anguished cry shook the lithe body of the pilot and before he even realised what he was doing his fist shot forward and without even thinking about it he crashed it right into the shiny surface.

 

# # #

 

BA was already halfway up the stairs before he even realised what he was doing. Seconds later the scream that had woken him from his napping was followed by the sound of splintering glass and BA flew up the remaining stairs, deeply worried when all the racket was followed by nothing but dreadful silence.

Instinct brought him to his own bedroom and BA stopped dead in his tracks, at first refusing to believe his eyes although he knew all too well that he wasn't dreaming.

Murdock stood in the middle of his bedroom, completely unaware of his surroundings, while he watched in odd fascination the blood running down his arm. The countless splinters of the broken mirror are surrounding him like some twisted halo, reflecting the deep red colour of the blood thousandfold and for the first time in his whole life BA felt himself like fainting when he saw the bloody mess that once had been his friend's hand.

“Jesus Christ... Fool... What the hell have you done to yourself now?”

“BA…?” Murdock jerked his head up, staring in utter disbelief at his team-mate, slowing dropping his hand in the process. Almost instantly he started to sway. BA cursed under his breath and jumped forward, quickly preventing the pilot from falling headfirst into the carpet.

He carefully directed Murdock towards the bed, gently pushing him down onto the cushions.

“Keep it elevated, fool. Or do you want to bleed to death?”, BA stated grouchily and sprinted over to the bathroom he shared with Face. In a hurry he rummaged through the drawers until he found the first-aid kit and returned to the bedroom, where he knelt down in front of the shivering pilot, gently taking his bloodied arm in his hand.

“Why the hell did you do that? Were you trying to kill yourself?!”

“N…no…” Murdock shivered violently, shock and blood loss rapidly catching up with him.

BA just snorted disbelievingly. “Whatever, fool. I'm going to wrap this up and then I'm taking you to the hospital.”

“No.”

Not sure he heard this one right, BA made a noise of frustration and frowned at the pilot. “Are you insane? Look at this mess? What if you cut your tendons? Or severed a nerve? You could be crippled for life, fool!”

“I don't care. Wrap it up. It's alright.”

“I always knew you were crazy but this is ridiculous!”, BA snapped at the pilot and started to pluck the splinters from the wound. “I'm taking you to the hospital and I don't want any arguments.”

“NO!” Murdock's panicked reaction caught BA off guard, nearly causing him to lose his grip on the pilot's arm but within seconds he recovered from the initial shock and held on, using his superior strength to keep the other male down.

“Stop it, fool! You're just hurting yourself!”

“No hospital. I don't need... please, promise me... no hospital...”

“Alright, alright. Just stop fretting!” BA pressed his lips together and shook his head as he finished cleaning the wound. As soon as he was done he grabbed a bandage and started to wrap up the wound.

The silence soon started to get on his nerves and BA gave in to curiosity. “Why? Tell me, Murdock. Why on earth did you do something incredibly stupid like this?!”

For a moment it seemed as if Murdock would answer him but then he just shook his head, his gaze firmly locked onto his bandaged hand now resting in his lap.

“Murdock...” BA hesitated, suddenly feeling rather insecure. If only Hannibal or Face were there. They were far better suited for this kind of situation. The big man always felt helpless and awkward when it came to situations like this. He always feared to make things worse, especially when said situations involved their crazy pilot.

_He looks so damn fragile right now..._

BA took a deep breath and plucking up his courage he carefully placed his big hand on Murdock's slightly smaller one and squeezed it in gentle sympathy.

“Murdock, please. What happened?”

“Nothing...”, the pilot whispered almost inaudibly and BA had to strain his ears to understand him.

“That's bullshit and you know it, man!” BA grumbled and in a feeble attempt to lighten the mood he joked: “Come on, tell me. Did someone attack you on your way home or what?!”

Slowly Murdock looked up and BA nearly recoiled from the fear and pain clearly visible in the other man's eyes.

_Oh, hell no..._

“That's it. Am I right?” BA whispered in sudden understanding, heart fearfully clenching in his chest. How could he not have seen this? The bruise on Murdock's face, his attack at the mirror – or more precisely at his own reflection – the way he shied away from BA's touch...

The signs were more than evident for those who cared to look.

Murdock was still stubbornly refusing to look at him. The sickening feeling in BA's gut intensified and he resisted with difficulty the temptation to throw up.

Why him? Why Murdock of all people? He was always so kind and helpful. Even after all this shit that happened to him in the VA he still kept this air of innocence around him, this enticing touch of naivety that was bound to attract the attention of every bastard in search for an easy prey.

BA had often thought Murdock to be too out of touch with reality for his own good, unable to recognise that not every situation could be handled as if it was just a big game. He knew and still he had failed his friend. He should have been there. Murdock needed someone to protect him from the dangers lurking in the world he tried to escape so willingly.

Again he reached out, keeping his movements as non-threatingly as possible, careful not to scare his friend even further, fingertips barely brushing over the mistreated skin on Murdock's cheek, softly trailing down the long, slender neck. Murdock's pulse was flattering under his fingers but he didn't pull away and BA got bolder, placing his hand on a trembling shoulder, slowly dragging him nearer.

Why did he never before notice how fragile and vulnerable Murdock actually was? Like all the others he allowed himself to be fooled by the insanity and the jokes, deceived by the way the seemingly airheaded pilot took nothing serious, always at the limit of going too far with those gut-wrenching stunts he pulled while flying an old, rusty chopper or a plane that could fall apart every minute.

Everyone knew that Murdock was insane, but no-one ever thought that there could be anything painful enough to actually break him. They all thought nothing could ever get to him and now they had to admit that they had been wrong.

"I know you think I'm all muscle and no brain. But that's okay. I'm used to it.” When he saw the injured expression flickering over Murdock's face BA realised that his remark unintentionally had hit home.

Great. Another scar on Murdock's already battered soul. He really needed to work on his social skills.

“I'm sorry, this came out wrong but please, listen to me.” He had the pilot's undivdided attention by now and the steady gaze of this hazel coloured eyes made it hard for him to concentrate but he there were so many things he wanted to say to Murdock and so he quickly went on. “I'm neither blind nor stupid, you know? I... I know what happened.”

Murdocks already pale face suddenly lost all color and for a moment BA feared that his friend would faint but once again Murdock proved that he was a lot stronger than they gave him credit for.

“Really? Well, then you already know that there is nothing you can do. I just got what I deserved. Now leave it alone.”

Murdock turned his back on him but BA didn't want to let go this easily and so he grabbed the smaller male's arm, violently forcing him to turn around again.

"Have you completely gone insane?" BA exploded, fury and fear finally getting the best of him, and without thinking twice he strengthened the grip he had on Murdock's shoulders, causing the surprised pilot to wince in pain. “No-one deserves something like this! How can you even think that? You are just too cowardly tell me the truth, so you decide it would be a good idea to run away.”

When Murdock flinched in his grasp, the big man just shook his head.

“What?”, he asked, voice dripping with barely concealed sarcasm. “Did you think I wouldn't be able to put two and two together? Well, why don't you run then? Go. Take your bag and run, but you know damn well that there is no place you can hide from the truth!”

"Let go. You're hurting me."

Shocked by himself and his uncontrolled behavior BA loosened his grip and quickly took a step back. This didn't sound like the Murdock he knew. So cold, emotionless. Just a clinical statement, specially composed to hurt him just like he hurt Murdock.

Normally he would back down now, leaving the pilot alone but not this time. This was too important to him. What had happened made it clear to him how quickly he could lose the pilot and this was something he wouldn't be able to bear.

“When you didn't come home from your shopping trip we were so worried.” BA decided that it would be best to put his cards on the table. “Hannibal and Face took the van to look for you. I decided to stay here, waiting for you to come home. And then I saw you and there was all this blood...”

Murdock flinched again, cheeks slowly reddening in a heartbreaking mixture of humiliation and embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, Bosco. I never wanted to cause you any trouble.” The pilot smiled sadly, and suddenly BA knew where this was leading. “Tell the others that I'm gonna miss them but... I cannot stay. It's obvious that I'm not able to look after myself and this team doesn't need a liability keeping them down.”

Impulsively BA's hand shot forward, closing in a tight grip around the pilot's wrist, keeping him firmly in place.

“Please wait. I have... there is something I have to tell you.”

_How did you tell a man you have pushed away for years that you secretly love him?_

“Murdock, I don't want you to go. You're a friend and...” A soft hand on his arm made him stop his pitiful attempts to tell the truth.

“It's allright, Bosco. You don't have to lie to me. I know that you doesn't want someone as weak and pathetic as me for a friend.”

“You're neither weak nor pathetic!” BA growled fiercely. “I... I like you. A lot.”

BA could exactly pin down the moment his words and their true meaning register with the pilot because Murdock's eyes are growing wide, wider than he ever has seen them before, and then the pilot scooted back, hands coming up in a panicked hurry.

“No! Bosco...”

“I'm done with pretending, Murdock.” BA stepped forward, keeping his movements deliberately slow so that Murdock had no reason to view them as a threat. “I've wanted you for quite a while now and want to know if you want me too.”

“No-one needs damaged goods...” The pilot whispered almost inaudibly and started when BA's large hand touched his chin, gently coaxing him into looking up.

“You're not damaged.”

Murdock's hands came up, intent on pushing his team-mate away, but BA just captured both his wrists in one strong hand and leaned forward, gently gracing his lips over the pilot's mouth. A pained little noise escaped him and BA drew back, moving his hands to the collar of Murdock's shirt, awkwardly fumbling with the first button.

“I love you, HM. And I never want to see you hurting again.”

BA worked his way further down. The shirt fell open, revealing a slim, muscled body to his hungry gaze and for a moment Murdock once more tried to pull away but the big man kissed him again, just as gently as he had done before and then the thin fabric slid down and all BA could do was to stare in horror at the marks some other man had left on Murdock's skin.

Murdock stood there, arms hanging loosely at the sides, keeping his head down, resigning himself to the verdict, which had to follow every moment.

"Oh my God." Slowly, almost as if hypnotized BA, stretched out his hand and placed his fingers over a dark red bruise on Murdocks ribcage. To his horror the prints matched almost perfectly.

Carefully he withdrew his hand and held his breath, his eyes tracing the cruel-red bitemarks leading from the left nipple down over the flat stomach where they vanished under the waistband of the trousers.

BA closed his eyes and quickly took a step back, with just one thought repeating over and over in his mind.

_I'm going to kill this bastard._

When Murdock started to fumble with the buttons on his trousers his eyes snapped open and he quickly caught the pilot's hand.

“What the hell are you doing?!”

The moment the words left his mouth BA realised that this had been the absolutely wrong thing to say because Murdock shrank back. Tears were brimming in his eyes and all BA could think of was that once again he had some serious explaining to do.

“I won't risk hurting you further. We're waiting and we're taking it slow.”

“But...”

“No.”

“I'm... I thought you wanted me...” 

“Of course I want you, fool.” They kissed again and when BA backed away his gaze fell on favourite shirt, laying forgotten on the ground. Suddenly he had the idea how to make this right.

"I see you've found my favourite shirt.” BA gathered the shirt up in his hands and held it up in front of him. “It's the most precious possession I have.”

Murdock frowned in confusion, clearly not getting what BA was trying to tell him. “This old thing? Why don't you throw it away? It's ruined anyway and you never wore it again after Mexico.”

“Why would I throw it away? Everytime I see it, it reminds me of you, fool. Of your crazy anticks that drive me wild with love and... want.”

"Oh, really...?"

For the first time in hours the pilot had a familiar, slightly insane smile on his face and with one swift move he grabbed the shirt, quickly pulling it over his head.

“It suits you.” BA stated, staring hungrily at his shirt, adoringly large on Murdock's thin frame. Seconds later Murdock threw his arms around BA's neck, crashing their lips together in a searing kiss and sending them both tumbling backwards onto the bed.

 

# # #

 

BA was sitting on the bed, propped up against the headboard, the lithe frame of the pilot protectively gathered against his chest.

They had talked for hours and slowly Murdock told him everything. Had told him how he walked into the store and the owner hadn't been there. And then another customer, a big man with dark hair and a beard, came in and almost immediately started to hit on him. Murdock fled from the store but the man had followed and suddenly he was grabbed from behind, something hard connecting with the back of his head. The next thing he remembered was a punch to his face and then nothing but cold concrete under his back and foreign hands roaming all over his body...

Murdock sniffled in his sleep, face still red from crying. BA drew Murdock closer, reassuringly kissing the top of his head. The pilot muttered something inaudible and pressed his face against BA's shoulder.

The big man sighed and continued to stroke the soft hair with his fingertips. His heart was overflowing with the love he felt for this man. How could it have come this far? Why wasn't he there when Murdock needed him?

“I can hear you thinking.”

BA smiled and shifted further down the bed to make it more comfortable for Murdock.

“I just thought that I have been wrong.”

“Oh...?” Murdock was still half asleep but his inborn curiosity was already spurred on. Never before he had felt this comfortable in his whole life. Safe. Protected. And he never wanted to give it up again.

“My shirt. We can throw it away now. I don't need it to remind me of you when I have the real deal right here in my bed.”

"Don't be ridiculous.” Murdock turned on his back and stifled a yawn. “It's my shirt now anyway and I'm not giving it back. Ever.”

“Really?!” BA was still smiling and Murdock returned this smile for a moment, until he remembered the last thing they still hadn't talked about.

“What are we going to tell Hannibal and Face?”, he asked sleepily, not noticing how BA's grip around his waist tightened for a moment. “I don't want them to know about it...”

There was no need for him to explain what he meant. BA knew that Murdock wasn't ashamed of them being together and so he just shrugged nonchalantly.

“We just say that we're together and leave it at that.”

“Hmm... sounds good to me.” Murdock answered quietly, already dozing off again. He never noticed the door opening to reveal an exhausted looking Hannibal standing fully armed on the threshold. BA continued to stroke the pilot's hair, a dark smile gracing his lips and Hannibal just nodded and left as quietly as he had appeared.

The problem had been dealt with once and for all.

 

END


End file.
